TO WHAT EXTENT DOES THE LACK OF POSITIVE ROLE MODELS INFLUENCE LESBIANS' COMING OUT? - Page 2

Wednesday, 01 June 2005 01:00

SOME OF THE OUTCOMES WITH THE ROLE MODELS LACKING (AND THE SURROUNDING IS HOSTILE)

One possible response to the individual’s lesbianism can be depression. Real outcomes could be the loss or the prediction of losing family and friends support. When it is difficult to find result-oriented mechanisms – depression may occur. Instead of projecting anger and rage on others, the feeling of guilt that arises from not being accepted is directed towards oneself. Self-respect is supported by our interacting with the individuals that are important to us. Should they “cancel” their love and support, there are no alternative sources of support and this is extremely frightening for a homosexual. These depressions can be serious, often unrecognized and unnamed – especially not directly connected to having anything to do with one’s sexual orientation. Suicidal thoughts are common as well as suicidal and other self-destructive behavior. The need is to end this pain caused by the fact that one is a lesbian, while good things that are part of this identity are partially or completely left out and are completely left out of sight.  Oftentimes, the successful depression handling is essential in the integration of identities (consult the article on forming identities within the Labris web counseling, June 2004.)

Women and girls of lesbian orientation are certainly not a homogenous group. Not all of them suffer from depression and not all of them deal with rage through self-destructiveness. The roots of self destructive patterns often lie in the prehistory of individual’s family, different survived experiences, different social context where an individual is set, individual’s profession, etc. Some foreign studies show that drug and alcohol abuse is present in high percentage (as well as with the majority) with lesbian and gay population. When we discuss psychoactive substances we think about those that are causing mood swings (both prescribed ones or not) including all types of alcohol. These are recognized through depressant categories, narcotic painkillers, stimulants and hallucinogens.

“Bar oriented” gay social settings support this high degree of drug and alcohol abuse. (Internalized) homophobia is also “fed” by the fact that the parties are organized “in secrecy”, these are not announced publicly as all other parties are, and they are scheduled only on certain days of the week (i.e. nights), in the premises that would be hardly chosen by the gay population as their own in any state that respects gay rights. The system of control by the hostile surrounding is clear: as long as gay individuals are not visible these occasional activities can be tolerated. Such treatment supports poor self-image with girls or women lesbians (“whatever I do is bad and wrong”, “I’m bad”). They follow offered possibilities as the only ones but they are becoming distant from the proud “bearing” of her lesbian identity.

It is not simple to talk about one’s private life with friends, colleagues and family. There are numerous experiences of the attack or rejection occurring. Concurrently, a significant level of self esteem is needed, a conscious choice and an effort to make contact and find one’s own space within the frame of supportive peer groups with similar sexual orientation or in realization of an emotional relationship. This requires taking risks by going to “gay places” or in some other way making one identified as a lesbian.

Many lesbians will be using drugs and/or alcohol on the first sexual encounter with the person of the same sex. More as a social construct, not really having a psychological justification, the effect of “relaxing and overcoming fears” is thus removed; but should this be practiced in the long run it carries the risk of girl’s making sexual contacts with the person of the same sex (only) when intoxicated by alcohol or some popular drug (marijuana, ecstasy or something else). It is also possible to leave aside the necessary care of oneself and not have safe sex. In very short time the alcohol and drugs can lift up the feeling of self esteem, efficiency, feeling of personal success and power – all that is necessary in a homophobic and misogynist society that is constantly undermining one’s self-respect. And again, in the long run, the regular usage would cause the “erosion of an individual Self”. Seeking help would become more difficult.

To conclude

It is very difficult to be true and consistent towards oneself and one’s surrounding with lesbian sexual orientation and lesbian sexual identity. It is almost four years since the unsuccessful Gay Pride meeting in Belgrade. In the meanwhile there has been no attempt to try and organize the same event and the authoress believes this is partially connected to the topic of this article. Certainly, the state is partly accountable for the condition of human rights but this is not all. It is the same this year, the International Pride Day is not scheduled and gay individuals deserve to carry their identity with pride.

Dušica Popadić 
 June 1st, 2005.

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