TO WHAT EXTENT DOES THE LACK OF POSITIVE ROLE MODELS INFLUENCE LESBIANS' COMING OUT?

Wednesday, 01 June 2005 01:00

The June 2005 article deals with the current situation within and outside the lesbian community in the sense that it is still difficult to enumerate the names of lesbians that would make positive role models, i.e. examples, and that would be of key importance for those that are still living in fear and isolation produced by the homophobic surrounding. One might say that the sole notion of the positive role models within the context of establishing lesbian existence is disputable, but in this article it is emphasized that using the full name along with the surname publicly is by itself an act of setting a positive role model. At the same time the description of the complex context of obstacles is given, as well as some possible outcomes when role models are missing.

THE GENDER ROLES TRAINING

The obstacles prior to coming out are numerous within the patriarchal societies. Due to the differences in the socialization of women and men, the coming out process is somewhat different for each sex respectively. Lesbians are firstly socialized within the frame of female roles and their answer to coming out is differently shaped through this role training. “The female role” does not automatically mean that lesbians understand and support their female identity. It goes in the reverse direction as well – most often the majority female population bears their female identity with insufficient pride. The way the women identity is lived, according to the human rights concept of women nongovernmental organizations, is oftentimes described as “terror of feminism”.

The gender role training imposes that the majority (heterosexual) surrounding accepts, to some extent, the fact one is “even” bisexual rather than lesbian. Is the bisexual orientation true or just a safe cloak in front of the homophobic surrounding where acceptance is more probable “as long as she has relationships with men” (the implication is “the thing with the girls is just a passing phase, that is – it is nothing serious”)? Therefore it can be confusing both to the person herself and her surrounding, whether she is actually bisexual or is using a defense mechanism of denying naming herself as bisexual and fighting the resistance to accept her homosexuality. In this great confusion individuals’ commentary “once I’m married and with children…” are not uncommon, and in front of yourself you see a person that is exclusive in choosing girls when coupling. As if it is necessary to close the circle in a traditional way, give a promise to oneself that “eventually everything will be all right” by convincing herself with “when I grow up, I’ll be straight”… It is an issue of personal responsibility to gain full insight into one’s own process.

In some cases, should the girl be bisexual, it can be easier for her to reveal her identity first as lesbian, since there are more organizations and resources within the community that assist affirming this identity. However, if within the setting of an existing lesbian community she tries to reveal her identity as bisexual, she risks isolation by the community, which can often react “biphobicly” (the same way many heterosexuals are homophobic).

The gender role training is also recognized through the promotion of “butch-femme model”, most often by the activists from the community. Despite the fact that it is now 2005 and that butch-femme roles were historically needed worldwide in gaining visibility and individualization, the continuous reaffirming of these roles speaks mostly of the degree activists whose voice can be heard within the community have achieved in moving away from the patriarchal context. (One letter that arrived in Labris web counseling contained, among other things, “I wonder now whether these butch lesbians are more appreciated?”).  When one overcomes the gender role training in a traditional way, coming out – of course – is oftentimes postponed.

RESPONSIBILITY OF PRESENTING POSITIVE ROLE MODELS

The notion of «personal is political» is very important in any civil society and it has its difficulties in implementation within our country and in the lesbian rights context. To simplify, this notion responds to the question that lesbian sexual identity does not have to do with whom one sleeps with and it is not someone’s personal thing (“which is meant to be kept for oneself and everything is ok while it is not disturbed”), but it is a human right, as well as other human rights are, to the wholeness of life with the respect and self respect within the equal citizenship state (it boils down to that You “shouldn’t be disturbed” because you are lesbian”).

The first and foremost explanation of those that argue lesbian human rights why there are not more positive role models is continuous mentioning of the hostile surrounding “that simply does not accept” and represents a threat. This has, in time, become ordinary and it is just a matter of time of how much longer it can “be sustainable” and paralyze the process. The voice of women employed in the activist community would be, no doubt, dealing with the analysis of “positive role model” over and over again and by doing this it would (d)evaluate other members of the lesbian or activist community and also lesbians from the outside of the community and experience them or not as positive role models.

Sometimes it seems we are at a ball game where the ball of expectations and responsibilities for coming out goes from the official (names) of lesbian and gay organizations to those individuals that may not be involved in activism but are living a lesbian existence and manage it 24/7 in every available way. The individuals are within and outside lesbian community, the ball goes from them to the organizations and back. This notion is very difficult to live up to for both groups in practice. When coming out to one’s parents and close family members the notion goes through a test and breaks. “Both groups” most often did not come out to their parents (regardless of the age).

The joint name apparently brings closer, but it essentially creates confusion to those that had not chosen activism. When one chooses to be part of a public, political organization working on any human right, the expectations of those one is addressing are that this individual is one step ahead. The notion of public work in itself contains “BEING OUT”. Otherwise the effect of official lesbian and gay organizations is limited to their names, not real persons behind it.

During her long-time work, the authoress notes that those women outside activism, who search for strongholds, state the need for women to identify with. The positive role models are necessary in any identity forming process, and the sexual one as well. The full names of women lesbians in public can be counted on one hand and this is an important shortcoming.  Most often these are initials, nicknames, a personal name (without the surname), pseudonyms, etc.

Having in mind all the justification of real fears that apply to any gay individual in the country we live in, beside the persons working in lesbian and gay organizations that took over pubic functions with the responsibility to publicly and openly come out with their identity, the other persons working in the public eye are responsible as well and their success, for example, in different professions would provide motivation to the Others. And the Others are all those that are the reason behind the existence of lesbian and gay organizations. The Others live both in town and country, have or most often do not have the access to information about lesbian human rights through the computers or libraries available, or the Others are also members of some other vulnerable social group (disabled women, Roma women, etc) and they are in more ways than one affected by the lack of NAMES, SURNAMES AND FACES that could serve as role models. This is the reason why women need positive role models, not for criticizing different organizations per se but FOR SELF RESPECT.