INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA IN EACH ONE OF US - Page 6

Saturday, 12 June 2004 12:54

Activists and internalized homophobia – Activists often state the lack of economical independency as a reason for not coming out to their family members or consider that the family already supposes or knows but this is the topic which is not talked about. “Selective” coming out, e.g. to be out in a limited social circle and taking part in only certain activities within the lesbian community but not at her workplace within the state company, or to be “basically out”, but not being ready to appear in the media – all this can sometimes intensify the internalized homophobia (consult the authoress article dated January 2004 where the advantages and disadvantages of a ghetto are discussed).

The decision about coming out is up to each girl and woman of lesbian orientation who owes this decision to herself so that she can achieve personal growth. The object of personal review comes in a situation when an activist is economically independent, does not live in the same city with the members of her family and exists in a “free” lesbian existence. The long-term paralysis gives away an impression as if somebody put a spell on you and you feel as if there is nothing you can do but preserve the status quo. There is an impression as if your behavior in one of its basic parts is being controlled by somebody else; you do not control your life. Although any conversation on this matter can also make activists angry, it is oftentimes imposed as a paradox reminder of the activists being precisely the ones whose work, by definition, is in a public eye. The activist that deals with the issue of lesbianism becomes an activist because of those women who keep quiet about themselves. The question here imposes itself of how public work can be accomplished if one active in it is not out with her own identity?! Internalized homophobia here takes its specific toll by slowing down the dynamics of lesbian movement development.

It is interesting to look at the phenomenon of “women’s solidarity” within the lesbian community, and in the context of internalized homophobia. The friends – in our surrounding or part of the surrounding – that are not out, or can recognize themselves in some of the coming out phases (before the integration phase), are sometimes braver to encourage other in coming out as lesbians. Through this projection oftentimes “a battle of one’s own” is actually fought but with “consequences other than mine” outcome. It is many times seen that the community instantly makes “diagnostics” of family violence and proclaims it as “the arch enemy” against whom they should fight. It is correct that girls and women can be exposed to violence precisely because of their lesbian orientation. However, this is not always the case. When we discuss violence, it is necessary to care about the same person’s loyalty towards her own family and not to support her in “choosing sides”. It is advisable to listen well to the person’s readiness in given times and respect this. Especially in the situations of economical dependency, both before and after coming out, the family remains the only stronghold for women and girls. This standpoint is particularly visible when the disabled women, who make up a part of a lesbian community, are in question.

The fundamental question when trying to be a support for the person in her lesbian identity is “do I see a real person in front of me?” It is important to establish whether you have truly eluded the trap of projecting your own notions, images and concepts that are part of your lives and your fears and without careful listening to the person in front of you. The precious feelings that the person exerts bear responsibility to the therapist – they are about the person's own life.