INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA IN EACH ONE OF US

Saturday, 12 June 2004 12:54

The internalized homophobia is a feeling that brings most of the insecurity with lesbian women and girls and this includes intolerance of oneself. It is difficult to “acknowledge” its presence. The usual definition states this fear comes from one’s own sexuality and/or self-hatred due to one’s sexual diversity. The internalized homophobia originates in anti-gay society’s hatred which is directed towards the sexually different and, if one is a lesbian, eventually towards the hatred of oneself. The internalized homophobia arises because of an intensive:

-Social homophobia or, in other words, heterosexism, which explicitly or implicitly supposes everyone, is heterosexual;

-Institutionalized homophobia, which leaves deep markings on the personal level through growing up, the messages sent within the surrounding (the family and different institutions that form each individual in the course of growing up and in adulthood)

-Explicit homophobia which adds up through objective experiences of discrimination and surviving incidents of violence due to one’s sexual diversity.

The function of internalized homophobia is to keep lesbians «hidden and invisible», that is «under control». Girls and women of lesbian orientation most often convey that they had formed internalized homophobia through: personal prehistory (within the primary family), negative experiences with their previous coming-outs and objective circumstances in the society we live in.  

This manifests itself through denying one's sexual orientation, judging oneself, which actually gives validity to the judgment that the majority holds against the sexually diverse. As if one tells the majority, «you are right, being lesbian is not ok. » It is also manifested through the feeling of guilt, shame, shyness; it affects health (anxiousness, depression, self-inflicted injuries, suicide attempts, etc), long-term avoidance to call oneself lesbian, searching for definitions “am I lesbian/bisexual” (i.e. “I do hope I’m not” or “I’m not even sure whether I want to know, because what am I going to do if this is true”, emotional relationships (if one is “out” and the other woman is not, or if both women have not come out), the need to escape “onto another planet” due to the existing secrecy or the feeling of disgust towards oneself, etc. One of the conditioning factors for violence within the lesbian relationships is precisely the internalized homophobia.   

It is a logical need to locate additional understandings on different sexual orientations, since oppressive strategies include withholding any information and understanding of sexual diversity (these strategies especially obstruct the presentation of good practice examples with much needed role models left out) and provides misinformation that mostly form and impel prejudices and stereotypes. There are few opportunities to read, listen… about lesbian orientation and existence. Because of this, the request for the readings that would give answers to questions “how can I know whether I’m lesbian/bisexual” is not uncommon.

One of the situations often encountered in my work has to do with the similar questions put forward by women and girls that are at the given moment going through e.g. not sufficiently functional heterosexual relationship. They oftentimes directly and out loud express the concern of what if “they happen to be” lesbians and that it would fully confirm everything that is said about lesbians being frustrated, etc. Acknowledging the fear that it is actually about authentic lesbian sexual orientation is often made more difficult by the repetition of social imperatives and by the temporary forgetting that within the countries, that do not recognize the right to sexual diversity (neither the law nor the level of awareness in people allow this), it is “learned” to be heterosexual. Through this, one has not had equal possibility to orientate oneself in favor of another sexual preference. Instead of awareness within the described setting, the repetition of stereotypes’ multitude is at work (e.g. “why haven’t you found a ‘proper’ man) and self-stigmatization. There is a threat that pertaining towards the majority (in other words, the safe) category is being replaced by the minority one and it will always be attacked by the majority… Not accepting oneself (within the, so called, “one’s own household”, that is the diversity of one’s own identities) complements itself with the anticipation of not being accepted by the people from the surrounding, but it can be reverse as well.

Making one’s own sexual orientation welcome to all of the identities that each person possesses (the identity of a student, daughter, sportswoman, sister, good organizer, hairdresser, journalist, etc.) can become much easier if, instead of socially rigid and outspokenly (un)wanted categories we pose sexuality and sexual identity, we pose these as a continuum where everybody can be found. The continuum is imagined as a straight line at one end of which it is written “heterosexuality” and at the other one “homosexuality”. Along the entire length of this line – “from – to” – we can imagine our surrounding, and ourselves. The context, which is most certainly much helpful in understanding and accepting oneself, is seeing one’s own sexual identity as the continuum that has realistic possibilities to safely reach any of the identities on the imagined line. The person can also move along this line, as well as be encouraged to take different identities out of which all have social permit. In any case, within the context of respecting human rights, and contrary to all that we have learned in this society and to what we have been exposed, this context acknowledges democracy, that is the right to be different.